Pants 0. Shit 1.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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