I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
