I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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