Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
