were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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