explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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