wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize