just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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