he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His hands were made for my vagina.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
