do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
