would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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