is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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