does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
