Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
