before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
