I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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