I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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