So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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