everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
