chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
