College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
