the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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