there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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