oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
thus making me awesome and them whores
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
