Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
