i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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