I am full of burrito and curiosity
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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