I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i've created a new STD.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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