How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
