speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
