my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
