i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
