you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
