I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i need some magic done to my vagina
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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