When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
