That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
