I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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