Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you're hired as official boob wrangler
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm having to shit out rocks
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