kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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