Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
