that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
high people should be assigned attendants
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My feet surprised me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
