Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
