I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
