If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
