I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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