I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
