this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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