3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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