the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
