I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
