So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
