Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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