You smell like a Billy Joel song
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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