I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
