you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
