I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
