I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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