Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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