The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
