I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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