New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
