i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
