Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
