8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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