alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
