I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
