First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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