I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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