The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
